Assertiveness Training: A Voice Coach Approach
Assertiveness training is one of the most common goals people bring into coaching sessions. They want to know:
How to speak up for themselves
How to sound more confident
How to gain respect without being aggressive
The problem? Most people are chasing the appearance of assertiveness, not the substance of it. And this outside-in approach rarely works long-term.
What Does "Assertiveness" Actually Mean?
The Oxford Dictionary defines assertive as:
"Expressing opinions or desires strongly and with confidence so that people take notice."
But words like "strongly" and "confidence" deserve closer scrutiny. Too often, people mistake assertiveness for dominance, force, or control. In reality, effective assertiveness is about:
Clarity of thought
Authenticity
Respect for self and others
Presence and groundedness
True assertiveness doesn’t intimidate or manipulate. It builds trust.
Why Do You Want to Sound More Assertive?
Before diving into techniques, ask yourself:
Is it to be respected?
To feel valued?
To gain control?
To feel heard?
If you believe your voice alone will deliver these outcomes, you're oversimplifying the issue. Assertiveness is relational. It's not just about how you sound; it's about how you show up.
Who Do You Respect?
Play a quick exercise with me:
Think of someone you trust and respect—someone whose presence feels grounded, whose decisions you value.
How do they carry themselves?
What is the tone of their voice?
How do they structure their language?
What is the quality of their physical presence?
I bet what you admire involves far more than just their "assertive voice."
Assertiveness is never only vocal. It’s a holistic interplay between mental clarity, emotional regulation, and physical presence.
The True Markers of Assertive Communication
1. Clarity of Thought
Confusion breeds passive or aggressive speech.
Assertiveness begins with clear, organised thinking.
2. Intentional Delivery
Speaking with purpose—not filler, repetition, or excessive qualifiers.
Delivering your point simply and directly, without rushing to fill silence.
3. Comfort with Silence
Holding space after making your point allows it to land.
Silence signals ownership of your words and confidence in your message.
4. Controlled Breath and Body
Physical grounding reduces vocal tension.
Calm breath supports steady, resonant tone.
Why Most Quick-Fix Assertiveness Tips Fail
Plenty of articles suggest:
Lower your pitch.
Speak louder.
Use strong eye contact.
Use assertive body language.
These external markers can help if your internal clarity is strong. Without it, they often feel fake, forced, or brittle.
Authentic assertiveness starts internally and expresses itself vocally and physically.
The Role of Breath: Your Anchor for Assertive Speech
In my coaching, breath is often the key starting point.
A full, easy breath creates space to think before you speak.
Breath keeps your nervous system regulated under pressure.
Breath helps you tolerate silence, rather than rushing to fill it.
In moments of tension, taking even a short conscious breath helps you:
Re-centre
Clarify your intention
Deliver your message with calm decisiveness
FAQs
Is assertiveness the same as aggression?
No. Aggression overpowers; assertiveness respects boundaries while standing firm.
Can you be naturally introverted and still speak assertively?
Absolutely. Assertiveness is about clarity and presence, not volume or extroversion.
What if my mind goes blank when I try to be assertive?
This is common. Structured frameworks (like the Rule of Three) and breath work help create internal space to organise your thoughts in real-time.
Can voice coaching help develop assertiveness?
Yes. Voice coaching addresses both the physical and psychological components of assertive, authentic speech.
Final Thoughts
True assertiveness isn’t about sounding tough or commanding attention through force. It’s about:
Clear thinking
Grounded delivery
Ownership of your message
Presence and self-trust
Assertiveness is not a performance. It's the audible expression of internal clarity.
If you're ready to develop authentic, sustainable assertiveness—without trying to fake it—click here to explore voice coaching options.
Ashley Howard is a UK-based voice coach with 18+ years of experience helping professionals and individuals develop clear, authentic, and confident communication.